


It's Enough

by DawnMalfoy



Series: Yuri on Ice!!! Stories [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Emotions, Falling In Love, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Relationship Study, Relationship(s), unlabelled relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 09:39:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8573392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnMalfoy/pseuds/DawnMalfoy
Summary: A story from Victor and Yuuri's points of view in which they explain the reasons they reject labelling what they have. 
A.k.a the reasons why Yuuri rejected Victor's offer to be his boyfriend and the reasons Victor is happy he did





	1. Victor

If he’s honest Victor likes the idea of giving a name to whatever it is that he and Yuuri have. He’d like to know where the boundaries are instead of having to cautiously wade through the murky waters of their relationship until he hits the boundary. It would be immensely enjoyable to know whether or not it’s at all appropriate to be taking all these risks for this boy. To know whether or not it’s worth risking being completely rejected in Russia. Giving it a label makes it real. Solid. Tells him that it isn’t going to just suddenly peter off and leave him stranded with a heart full of longing for a boy who evokes memories of shared hot springs and pork cutlet bowls. 

 

He wants to be able to call Yuuri his boyfriend. His lover. He wants to know that Yuuri wants this as well. That it isn’t just him constantly giving and giving and giving. 

 

It’s only in his weak moments that he thinks like this.

 

In reality, not giving whatever they are a label is better for both of them. 

 

It’s better for him, because if it does turn out to simply be a fling resulting from Yuuri’s deep admiration of him then he can easily return to Russia and explain that there was never anything more that an incredibly tight coach - protege bond. It means that if things go wrong, if he messes up, he can run home again and be on the ice rink where he spent most of his youth. He can immerse himself in the comfort of seeing familiar characters on signs and menus and in the harsh but soothing sound of his home tongue. 

 

It’s better for his career as well. His popularity relies on fans, male or female, believing that perhaps they may have a chance to enthrall him. It is why they follow him so avidly, trying desperately to find ways to surprise him, to lure him in and trap them for themselves. Victor knows that for so long as Yuuri exists, none of these people will ever be able to do so. He knows it in the same way that he knows how to skate. Instinctively. Yuuri caught him in his orbit the moment he began to skate, even with his excess weight from stress eating. If Victor is a planet that attracts fans like moons, then Yuuri is his sun, holding him in place and sustaining his existence. Labelling it would send so many of his moons spiraling away from him, and in the process send their attentions away from his beloved katsudon. So it’s better for him, and in the end for Yuuri - who is much more important - to just stay quiet. To be content with stolen kisses in the night, and quiet but loving embraces that tell Victor that he is loved. 

 

In a way, being able to call Yuuri his boyfriend would also mean trapping him. Victor wants nothing more in life than to see Katsuki Yuuri soar, regardless of whether or not he wins the events he enters. He wants to see him move on the ice, changing the music with each of his breaths. Yuuri is not always the embodiment of perfect grace on the ice, but to Victor he is always beautiful. Victor knows what it is to be trapped with titles. He’s felt it ever since he’d entered competition. First as his rink’s top skater, then as Russia’s and finally as the world’s. Victor was never just Victor. He doesn’t want that for Yuuri. He doesn’t want him to deal with the pressure of the title of being Victor’s Nikiforov’s boyfriend. Doesn’t want him to be led to believe that he has anything to prove. Yuuri is Yuuri and Victor loves him for it. 

 

So for now, he is content to settle for holding Yuuri close in the moments before he skates. Happy to hold Yuuri’s hand and press kisses to his forehead and lips that are much too passionate to ever be considered chaste. He’s open in his affections because he knows that he cares deeply for Yuuri and knows that the beautiful Japanese skater returns the sentiment and for now, just for now, that is enough. 

 


	2. Yuuri

Sometimes Yuuri thinks back on the day Victor asked him about what he means to him. The answer should have been simple. Victor is his idol. His shining star. His rock when he is lost and trying so desperately to find a reason to continue on. It should be simple because that is all Victor has ever been to him. A distant star, glimmering in the distance. It should be a simple answer, but when it comes to Victor nothing is simple. Their interaction was meant to have ended when Yuuri rejected his offer to take a photograph together. Yuuri was meant to go back to being the simple Earth Dweller, admiring and worshipping the deity that is Victor. It isn’t that simple anymore though. Hasn’t been that simple since Victor arrived in Japan and announced himself as his coach. Hasn’t been at all simple since Victor had wormed his way into the everyday, comfortable familiarity of Hasetsu. It’s not simple when Victor gives Yuuri choreography for programs that seems impossible, but suddenly becomes possible just from the weight of Victor’s stare. 

 

He wonders if he should have said yes when Victor asked if he wanted him to be his boyfriend. Labelling it would make whatever they are easier. It would let him establish boundaries and let him understand what exactly Victor’s touches are meant to mean. 

 

He’s grateful he didn’t say yes though. He doesn’t want to insult the complexity of both his and Victor’s feelings by enforcing a name and it’s accompanying rules to it. It’s Victor, so it isn’t simple and he’s slowly learning that it’s okay for it to be confusing. They don’t need to give a name to their relationship. They don’t need to define their reason for hugging and kissing and holding each other, because in their hearts they both know why they’re doing it. 

 

Or at least Victor seems to. 

 

There are other reasons that he doesn’t want to give a label to their feelings. 

 

Labels mean expectations. If he announces to the world that Victor Nikiforov is his boyfriend, people will expect him to express affection with him in public. They will expect to see his performances improve, because there is no way that anyone dating such an impeccable skater would not experience an improvement in their skills simply because of being associated with him. There’s the expectation that despite the so called distraction of having a partner, he will continue to improve and then there’s the expectations that the impediment to his focus will make him fail. Yuuri’s confidence is rising slowly under the master’s tutelage, but it is nowhere near the level required to deal with the scrutiny that comes with being Victor’s boyfriend. 

 

Then there’s the most painful reason. The one that Yuuri is almost too afraid to admit to himself. 

He isn’t sure if he loves Victor. 

 

He may have given his feelings that name, but in the end he still isn’t sure if that’s exactly what his feelings are. Are they infatuation? A more intense form of idolisation? Yuuri has never had the time to experience love. He’s always been too busy skating and following what Victor was doing. He hadn’t had time for crushes or puppy love, because every spare moment was dedicated to improving his performance. He’d given his all to skating, and he’d thought that included his heart but Victor has shaken things up and he needs time to try and understand just what it is he is feeling because it isn’t fair to lead someone on. He wants to know what he feels. He desperately wants to title it, give it a name so he can tell Victor how he feels but right now he can’t. 

 

So for now, he lets himself feel as Victor embraces him with a gentle firmness that fills him with a warmth that he used to associate only with skating. He let’s his idol press his lips to his forehead and cheeks and lips and occasionally, just occasionally to the sensitive spot on his neck that makes his knees turn to jelly.  He lets his emotions flow through every time he skates, dancing his emotions for Victor instead of trying and failing to put it into words. He knows that Victor has feelings for him and he knows that he is doing his very best to reciprocate and for now, that is enough.  

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to post this before episode seven, considering it comes out at 4am here so I'm probably going to see it about like 5 hours after it drops. Needless to say, it's well past midnight so there's bound to be mistakes. Sorry!


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